The Case Against Finding Yourself on Holiday
A writer recounts lying on a massage table far from home, two horses beside her, a woman performing reiki and speaking in tongues, before being told to burn crumpled paper to release ancestral trauma. She left hopeful, but the next day suffered a major insult from a friend. Three months later she was just as broke and single as before, with no gym body in sight-and the retreat had cost around $25,000.
She is not alone in expecting a holiday to reset everything. Dr. Jade Thomas of Luxe Psychology Practice says that when people invest a lot of meaning into a trip, they expect to return as a different version of themselves, but they come back to the same job, responsibilities, relationships and stressors, creating a stark contrast.
The writer had tried this before: three days in India being oiled head to toe by two women, a retreat recommended by Queen Camilla and Sting. After taking prescribed homoeopathic pills at home, men on apps still ghosted her.
In a New Yorker critique of modern tourism, writer Agnes Callard argued travel is often self-deception-travelers perform uncharacteristic habits for a week before returning to their baseline, concluding that people should stop moving and be happy at home. The writer disagrees, cherishing memories of horseback riding in Kenya, snorkeling in the Maldives, cherry blossoms in South Korea and sleeping under starry skies in the Bighorn Mountains.
But travel has been promoted as a spiritual reckoning, with retreats offering kinesiology, psychedelics, juice cleanses, breathwork and EMDR, all promising you shall return anew. Dr. Jade says novelty and a break from routine can temporarily boost mood, but if dissatisfaction comes from something internal, changing location does not necessarily alter the pattern.
Social media lets travelers pre-script trips, so a cloudy morning on Mount Batur becomes a crushing disappointment. Dr. Jade notes a paradox: trying to achieve a particular emotional state can take us further from it. The writer is stepping off the self-improvement treadmill, recalling unplanned moments-a Miami downpour that became a cinema trip with a stranger, a freezing creek jump in Wyoming. Back in London, she resurrects her dating profile with travel photos, and ChatGPT advises swapping some for pictures at home.